NAAWP Conference 2006: CALL FOR PAPERS (i.e., SEX OUTSIDE THE CITY!)

As many of you know, our annual meeting is approaching and we have a plethora of issues to iron-out before picking up our globes and re-entering the chaos of the Unwashed.

It is a great task we have, carrying the weight of the world. And it is precisely why I am taking this opportunity to suggest that we not only present to eachother our latest issues, ideas and fiscal concerns, but that we also consider extending the conference by two weeks this year. Our heavy burden requires intensive recuperation and I can think of several ways to maximize our precious time in St. Moritz to ensure that we all get the relaxation we need. (Yes, yes, your lawn bowling and spa treatments will still be available - these things are staples, they will never go away) But, with the intention of making things a bit more interesting, I have invested my own time and energy (via my Hammond Corp employees) into the creation of 2006's premier leisure activity: SEX OUTSIDE THE CITY!

I had a revelation when I visited Thailand over the winter and decided that we, being beacons of culture and upstanding citizens of the world, need to stop profligating our money and extraordinary sexual prowess to the 8-12 yr. old peasant boys and girls of Southeast Asia when we could be giving it to each other, keeping the jewels where they belong. (I know. I believe this has the potential to lead to a sexual revolution among the members of our circle. Just you wait.) Well, we wouldn't be having sex with each other, you see, but we would be leasing out the sexual services of those completely disenfranchised pesky Gnomes who have been trying to tear our society apart with their underhanded terrorist activities. Call it retribution via Privates Trading. It's going to be the hit of the season, trust me.

I don't know about you, but I could sure go for a lively romp with a big-nosed fence-jumping boy who knows how to lift heavy bushels and talk to horses.

Please submit your papers and/or topics for discussion as soon as possible. Thank you!

Gwen Hammond
Co-Chair, NAAWP

*Papers must be written by NAAWP members ONLY.
*All papers are subject to intensive prescreening upon submission.
*NAAWP Chair reserves right to edit or refuse any paper for any reason.