Gwen Hammond's Letter to Mr. Ray
My Dearest Eric,
Too many nights have passed since the time I saw you last. What'er is this relationship to become if we cannot find time to communicate once in a while? I miss you so.
Nights and days slip by...the memory of you burns like hot embers in my mind. Though I try, I cannot stop thinking about the way your mouth moved when lip-synching...it was almost as if you were actually...
I understand that you are Foreign, Eric, which means a great many things to me. Most importantly, that you should be mine. Which is why I am building a stage for you in my basement at this very moment. Well, I'm not building it, you see. But it is being taken care of by my own construction crew. The thought of endless nights of glittering streamers, purple lights and fuscia spandex, my God...you drive me crazy. I never knew I could feel like this.
Enclosed you will find a one-way ticket to Rome (where I am). Don't worry about the language barrier, my dear...I have hired a Psychic Interpreter of Foreign Languages who will not only help us communicate, they will also bear our wine and water. Hope you don't mind company :)
Looking forward to seeing you.
Always,
Gwen
Too many nights have passed since the time I saw you last. What'er is this relationship to become if we cannot find time to communicate once in a while? I miss you so.
Nights and days slip by...the memory of you burns like hot embers in my mind. Though I try, I cannot stop thinking about the way your mouth moved when lip-synching...it was almost as if you were actually...
I understand that you are Foreign, Eric, which means a great many things to me. Most importantly, that you should be mine. Which is why I am building a stage for you in my basement at this very moment. Well, I'm not building it, you see. But it is being taken care of by my own construction crew. The thought of endless nights of glittering streamers, purple lights and fuscia spandex, my God...you drive me crazy. I never knew I could feel like this.
Enclosed you will find a one-way ticket to Rome (where I am). Don't worry about the language barrier, my dear...I have hired a Psychic Interpreter of Foreign Languages who will not only help us communicate, they will also bear our wine and water. Hope you don't mind company :)
Looking forward to seeing you.
Always,
Gwen
posted by Gwen Hammond @ 7:36 AM
1 Comments:
At 11:58 AM,
Richard Quick, Millionaire said…
Gwen:
Here we go again... how very predictively impulsive of you! Tell me about this Eric? How'd you meet? What's his net worth? what is the composition of his portfolio?
Remember, you are contractually obligated to use the Quick, Duhk & Hyde PreNuptial this time. Not that we don't appreciate the fees every time I've got to have the firm bail you out of these messes each time.
I'm hoping you'll marry sensibly one of these times, AFTER Quick Risk Management provides a comprehensive feasibility and assessment study with five, ten and twenty five year modeling forecasts. Your use of the "L" word is troubling. Marriage is too important a business decision, too binding a contract, to leave to Love, my dear.
With the boom and premium pricing of "Security Forces" in Iraq, our covert "contractor" costs have escalated, and availability is tight even for me. If this one has to be mitigated, it will be costly and time-consuming. This is exactly what Benjamin Franklin was referring to when he said "An ounce of Prevention is worth a Pound of Cure."
Once again, please let us interrogate him thoroughly to learn his real intentions. What happened to Ricardo was an equipment failure that cannot happen again. Safeguards are in place, and a voltage regulator installed. Word is Ricardo is very happy, and even able to eat his pablum all by himself.
Concerned on the Veranda,
RQ
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