Hammond Corp to Release New Line of Theme Park Rides

Are you a millionaire who’s tired of leading a double life?

Sick of that nagging curiosity about what it feels like to be completely down-and-out?

Tired of people telling you that you don’t understand the other side?

Worry not, friends. Hammond Corporation has recently developed a groundbreaking new device that will put you in touch with the plight of those on the absolute lowest level of the social hierarchy!

Free yourself from the hardships and worries common to people in your social position by taking a ride on the All New HOBOTRON!!! Get a rush of complete degeneracy and utter indigence in the privacy of your own home!

Looking at the ad, you might ask yourself: “What the hell does it do?” This is an important question. You will notice that the device is completely vertical. It will give you exhilarating jolts of up-and-downs, coloring your life (and your pants) with euphoria! Experience the dizzying rush of never knowing which way to turn... Quick... duck the creditor... dodge your ex... terrifying brushes with your AA sponsor, parole officer, welfare case worker, teens with gasoline... not to mention the topsy turvey world of mental illness, when there's no dough for therapy, meds, scotch...

Buy a machine today and sell rides to your friends, neighbors, dogs, and countrymen!

“It’s like tiramisu, with skid marks.” – Hammond Corp. employee