Hammond Corp. Announces New FLAGSHIP BURGERS, Calls Endangered Bengal Tigers "Quadripedal Bags-O-Cash"

After only hours of announcing the Hammond Corporation's decisive move to raise one dozen endangered Bengal tigers at its headquarters in Brazil, CEO Gwen Hammond released a press statement detailing the Hammond Corp.'s abrupt and unexpected change of plans.

"An extremely small human part of me had a bit of curiosity regarding the future of Bengal tigers... I kind of wanted to know what it feels like to do something good for the world so, I figured, 'hey - what's 20 tons of pens and pencils?' But I'll be honest with you, after drinking cosmos all night on my yacht, I have decided to forgo my former plan in favor of a more financially proactive approach to these rare flagship animals. From this point forward, the Hammond Corporation will be dealing with these tigers as 'utilitarian' resources. Not only can every single part of their bodies can be used for an untold number of things, but certain parts actually have magical properties! These babies are quadripedal bags-o-cash!"

The Hammond Corporation's first step toward world domination and complete control of the global food market will be to go ahead with the manufacturing and mass-distribution of their new line of freezer foods.

Their first product will be: GWEN HAMMOND'S FROZEN FLAGSHIP PATTIES (aka: 'Hammies')

Production will begin this week. Check back for purchase info.