NEW: Hammond Corporation to Raise ENDANGERED SPECIES for Profit

This week, the Hammond Corporation solidified plans with rural Nepalese tribal elders re: the trade of 20 tons of "Jesus Saves! Beacon of Lite Non-Denominational Church Camp" pens and pencils in exchange for one dozen Bengal tigers! A great addition to the Hammond Corp.'s manatee collection!

The tigers are reported to already have been smuggled out of the country and transported to a remote Brazilian village where CEO Gwen Hammond's expert team of guest workers will feed and teach the animals. Upon reaching the appropriate age, the tigers will then be sold to Zoos around the world for an unspecified amount of money.

Hammond Corp. prides itself on its ability to secure the purchase of endangered animals around the globe. Such animals would otherwise not be valued the way that Hammond Corp. values them: as natural resources, and hillarious entertainment. Our flagship animals do nothing less than impress the best!

Gwen Hammond says:

"...for the love of God. Don't you people have anything better to do?"